Nash: A Rough Romance Read online

  I gave him a dour look. “She might, but this time, I think she just might burn down your cabin out of frustration.”

  While the other two laughed, once again he gave me the finger. “If she does, you’re paying for it,” he barked.

  “You look good, Nash. I think the last time I saw you was when you were resisting arrest. Do you remember?” Sheriff Robertson had a wry smile on her face as she held out her hand.

  I narrowed my eyes, half laughing as I realized she’d been the deputy who’d arrested me. “I remember you shoving me to the ground, smashing my face into the concrete.”

  “That’s because you threw a punch.” Her eyes twinkled after saying the words. “My guess is that military service did you just as much good as it did the other boys.”

  Boys. She’d been a young woman on the day she’d arrested me. The job hadn’t been kind to her, the sadness in her eyes showing what kind of horror she’d been forced to deal with while on the job. What seemed obvious was that she hadn’t heard about what had gone down on our last mission. If she did, she was certainly hiding her disdain well.

  “I’ll try not to give you that kind of trouble any longer,” I said, half laughing.

  “Glad to see you home. Now, what’s this about some gangster from Chicago?” She moved behind her desk, sitting down behind her computer, motioning to the other chair.

  I sat down almost reluctantly, feeling more like I was in an inquisition than hoping to find assistance.

  After telling her the story, including the fact we were chased and shot at, she folded her hands, taking a full minute before saying anything. “Look, you need to keep in mind that Mitch is a stranger. There may be more to her story than she’s willing to tell you.”

  “I’m certain there is more to the story, but one this is certain. She’s in danger and given I helped her, I’m going to guess that places my life in jeopardy as well.”

  “Did you happen to see a driver’s license?” she asked, still taking notes as we talked.

  “No. She left everything in the truck she drove,” I answered.

  “The one you didn’t find on the side of the road,” Hawk stated, adding a slight chuckle under his breath.

  I slowly turned my head in his direction then shot up from the chair. “Look. I didn’t ask for you to believe me, Hawk. I just asked if you knew if I could find any information. From what I understand, you were the one who suggested coming here. I can see it was a waste of my fucking time.”

  “Hold on, both of you. You’re still the same hotheads I remember,” the sheriff said gruffly. “Let me do some digging. I know a few people in Chicago on the force. I assure you that they’ll know exactly what’s going on. My suggestion is to lay low and let me have your phone number in case I find anything. After this next storm, I’ll send a couple deputies to see what they can find. In the meantime, don’t do anything stupid.”

  “Like what?” Scorpion asked.

  “Like trying to go up that mountain. You know how unpredictable these storms are. The last thing I want to have happen is for you to break down or worse. Also, make sure Ms. Donovan doesn’t contact anyone, and I do mean anyone. Stay put. If her vehicle is there, we’ll find it.” The sheriff gave all of a hard look. She knew exactly how our former selves would react in this situation.

  Ignore all the rules as well as any common sense.

  Maybe we were still that way.

  After she shoved a blank piece of paper and a pen across her desk, I hesitated before yanking out my phone, finding the burner number then writing it down along with the location where I thought they might find it. “Whatever you find, I need to know.”

  “I understand,” the sheriff said as she slid the paper closer. “Try not to worry. We’ll figure out what we need to do.”

  Worry. She had no fucking idea the way I felt or the anger that continued to swim inside of me.

  I moved toward the door, pushing past Hawk roughly.

  “I will need to talk to Ms. Donovan at some point. That is if she really does want help.”

  The sheriff’s words rang loud and clear. She wasn’t buying any of the story.

  “I’ll bring her by in a couple of days.” I kept my words even before walking out the door and storming down the corridor.

  Fuck this shit.

  I might have to head back up to the mountain myself.

  I stood by Scorpion’s truck, staring up at the mountains, wondering if there was any part of the story that she’d lied to me about. After a few seconds, I slid my hand into my jacket, tugging the phone into the light. I wasn’t certain whether to be relieved or angry that she hadn’t called. More than two hours had passed. She couldn’t obey a single order. I shoved the phone back into my pocket, taking a deep breath. I could smell another storm rolling in, which was late for Missoula.

  I heard the jangle of keys seconds before they were eased over my shoulder. Stiffening, I snagged them out of Hawk’s hand, wrapping my fist around them.

  “Don’t you even want to know where you’re going to be staying?” Hawk asked as he shifted around and leaned his back against the side of the truck.

  “I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

  Scorpion moved closer, although he remained looking away from both of us as well as a solid three feet from the back of the truck. I didn’t blame him for not wanting to get into the middle.

  Hawk sighed. “I’m not doubting you at all. You should have realized that by what I said at the house. I just want to make certain that you don’t get your heart broken. That’s all. I don’t think you can handle that.”

  “How the hell do you know what I can handle, Hawk? First you tell me that I need to learn to trust as well as toss the guilt aside. Then you act like Mitch is a lying sack of shit. I have no idea what I’m supposed to believe. And another thing. Maybe you found it really easy to forget everything that happened during those two missions. Maybe you don’t remember the agony that all of us went through, the horror of watching our buddy die when there was no reason for him to. And maybe, just maybe, you can pretend that it wasn’t our fault that he’s dead. Dead. If that’s the case, well, good for you. I can’t do that. You want to know why? Because I actually have a conscience. I’m no longer certain that you do.”

  The words were as horrible as any I’d said before this day. I recoiled from knowing I’d said them within seconds, finding it difficult to breathe. I was shocked when he didn’t react on any level. No anger. No violence. No sadness. Nothing. He kept the same damn blank look on his face that he’d had every time we’d been forced to relive the fucking incident with our CO and members of what we’d all called the inquisition.

  I almost laughed at the irony of my earlier thoughts in speaking with the sheriff. That had been nothing in comparison to what we’d been through.

  I could hear Scorpion’s ragged breathing from where I stood, could feel the tension so thick that a knife couldn’t cut through it.

  Hawk casually closed the distance until we were only inches apart. “Do you want to know how guilty I do feel, Nash? Do you want to know the depths of my pain the moment Mustang told me that he’d been asked to accompany Snake’s body back to the States or the moment when his parents walked up to us after the funeral in order to shake our hands and call us heroes? Huh? Do you want to know about all the sleepless nights or the days when I couldn’t think straight, fearful that I’d do something stupid or worse? Do you want to know when I asked Bryce not to stay in the same room with me because I was afraid I would hurt her during the middle of the night after coming out of one of the fucking nightmares? Do you? If so, then I’m happy to spend some time with you going over every detail in vivid color. As far as having a conscience? I have no choice. I have a little girl and a ranch to take care of. Tell me this. What the fuck do you have?”

  He backed away, his eyes colder than I’d ever seen them. Turning sharply, he took long strides toward his truck, stopping just short of the driver’s door. “I’ll t
ext Scorpion the address. Feel free to make yourself at home. That’s the kind of woman Bryce is.” He threw open the door, climbing in and starting the engine, revving it over and over again.

  The jarring sound of the door slamming forced me to jump. A fog rushed over my eyes, crawling into my mind. What the hell had happened to me in these past few months?

  After Hawk pressed down the accelerator, screeching out of the parking lot, Scorpion walked over slowly, glaring me in the eyes.

  “You know what? You’re an asshole, buddy.” He walked to the door, hesitating then turning back to face me. “There isn’t one of us who’s not in severe pain. Not one. We’ve all handled it differently, but Hawk took the brunt of it. You just won’t see it much because that’s the kind of man he is. He’s doing all he can right now to make the ranch successful because that’s what both his father and his brother wanted. He also is trying to learn how to be the best damn father he can be. That’s been tough on him since Ashley still has nightmares herself because she misses her real daddy so much. Do you know the kid didn’t talk for months after her father died? Hawk was the one who coaxed her with love and time and caring. Meanwhile, his guilt was eating him up inside. While I can tell how much pain you’re in, why don’t you take a minute and look outside yourself. We’re all grieving.”

  When he stopped talking, I knew he expected I would say something explaining my ridiculous childish behavior, but I honestly had no idea what the hell I could say. My throat tightened, my heart racing. I’d spent months running from the truth. It was time to face what had really occurred, taking the blame.

  I finally had to grow the fuck up.

  When I said nothing, he huffed then opened the door of the truck.

  “We need to get some supplies. I think the best thing to do is to go there late this afternoon before the storm rolls in. Maybe you can clear your head. I’ve got a truck I can lend you.”

  He waited for another five seconds before shaking his head and opening the door.

  “Wait.”

  His body stiffening, he waited but didn’t turn around. “Yeah?”

  “I’m sorry and I need to tell you something.”

  “Okay. Why don’t you get in the damn truck then you can tell me? Just get it over with though. This whole thing is pissing me off.” He didn’t wait for my answer before climbing inside.

  I glanced at the mountains again before walking around to the other side, my muscles aching as I tried to get in. I’d never felt so damn hollow in my freaking life. When the door was closed, I stared out the windshield for at least two full minutes until I heard Scorpion’s deep sigh.

  “Do you remember the night outside the prison camp?” I’d never heard so much angst in my tone, the agony rushing to the surface. I didn’t want to relive that night, not for any reason. It came to me far too often in my dreams, but I knew I had to if I wanted a chance at any kind of life.

  Or to keep my friendship.

  “Yeah, Nash. I remember. Honestly, I don’t like to think about it. I tried to make my peace, although it still haunts me.”

  “Yeah, well, there’s something that you don’t know.”

  He slowly turned his head, studying me intently. I could tell he was remaining quiet out of reverence as well as morbid curiosity.

  I hadn’t said the words out loud to anyone. I hadn’t been able to. I only hoped that my friends, the men I’d served alongside for years, the ones who’d protected me that way I’d tried to protect them would forgive me.

  I also hoped that God would understand, although I could never find salvation for my sins.

  “I’m responsible for the death of all those men, including Snake.”

  “We were all there, buddy. Stop blaming yourself. We all had a part in what happened, but we weren’t the ones who firebombed the facility. There was nothing we could have done.”

  “That’s not true. The man who held the grenade. I had him in my sights. I’m the sharpshooter, the man who never missed. Remember? But on that night, I froze.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I killed him. Because of what I couldn’t do, Snake and all those other soldiers lost their lives. Don’t you see? I’m a murderer.”

  “I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier. It all happened so fast.”

  As I listened to his conversation with his girlfriend, I’d never felt like such an outsider. However, the interruption allowed me to catch my breath.

  “Just stay there. I’m bringing some supplies in case we get snow,” Scorpion continued. “What do you think of Mitch?”

  He chuckled after whatever she’d said.

  I allowed my thoughts to drift back to the feisty woman, wondering how in the hell I was going to be of any help to her. Shit. I couldn’t control my freaking emotions.

  Or my anger.

  “Okay. Just sit tight. If you see anything weird, give me a call. We’ll be back in an hour.”

  I noticed he made a different turn than the one he’d taken earlier. Supplies. I guess I’d need to borrow some damn money. On top of my admittance, I was destitute for the time being except for the three single dollar bills I’d found earlier. Maybe this was supposed to be the low point of my life, the beginning of my repentance.

  He ended the call but said nothing as he continued the drive. Just like he’d said nothing to me after I’d spilled my guts. What was he supposed to say? Hell, I was shocked he hadn’t tossed me out of the truck.

  When he pulled into a parking lot, I was surprised. Raunchy Ride. I could almost remember the place fondly, sneaking in with ridiculous fake IDs and almost getting away with having a few drinks. Scorpion’s uncle had been one formidable man, tossing us out within two minutes.

  After he cut the engine, he remained where he was. “We’re going to have a drink and you’re going to listen to me. You got it?”

  “Yeah. I got it.”

  “Good. I don’t want to be forced to beat your ass.”

  The place was open, although there were only a few customers inside. He waved to his bartender before pointing toward a table in back. “Mack. Will you bring us a couple cold ones and shots of tequila on the side?”

  “Sure thing, boss,” Mack said, although he seemed shocked at the request.

  “I’ll be right back. Sit your ass down and wait,” Scorpion commanded before walking around the bar.

  I scanned the entire surroundings, trying to smile. He’d done a hell of a lot to the place from what I remembered. Then again, I couldn’t have cared less about the atmosphere. The bad boys had simply wanted a place to drink and become rowdy.

  We’d done that in other locations during our reign. I laughed to myself as I walked toward the table Scorp had pointed to. While I wasn’t certain what the hell he was going to say, I could only imagine it would cement the guilt that had nearly consumed me. As I sat down, I did everything to shove aside the vicious memories. They weren’t doing me any good. Everything Hawk had said would haunt me for some time to come. What both he and Mustang had endured in bringing Snake back to his hometown must have weighed on their hearts.

  And I’d been the chicken shit to leave without notice, pretending that the events we’d all endured hadn’t been life-changing.

  I lowered my head into my hands, jumping the second a hard thumping sounded in my ears.

  “Your drinks,” Mack said as he stared at me. He stood over the table for a few seconds like I was supposed to say something.

  “Thanks.”

  Another five seconds passed then he shifted a glance over his shoulder before allowing his eyes to drill into mine. “Scorpion never drinks this early. You better be worth it.”

  The words were odd, but just as cathartic as all the rest I’d heard during the course of a few hours. “I’ll keep that in mind.” I yanked the bottle of Budweiser closer, pulling it to my lips. I realized my damn hand was shaking. Shit. I was losing it and at this point, I had to be some freaking kind of hero for a damsel in distress. R
ight. Like that was going to happen.

  Mack walked away, passing Scorpion along the way. I noticed they exchanged words, Scorp’s face turning ice cold. He pointed toward the bar before shaking his head and walking toward the table. When he sat down, I could easily tell he had a fuck load on his mind. He slid an envelope across the table, giving me a hard look.

  “Some cash to keep you afloat until we figure this shit out,” he said quietly, looking away from the table.

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “You know what? That’s what friends are for.”

  While I stared at the plain white envelope, guilt settling in all over again, I found it difficult to rid myself of the massive lump in my throat. “I’m nobody’s friend.”

  “Yeah, you certainly aren’t going to be if you keep acting like some asshole.”

  His words actually forced a smile to cross my face. “I will completely understand if we can’t be friends any longer.”

  My buddy took his time before answering and when he did, the look on his face was stone cold, his eyes penetrating mine. He leaned over, folding his hands together, a slight snarl curling on his upper lip. “Now, you fucking listen to me. You’re not the only one who’s experienced the kind of guilt that curdles your stomach, keeping you awake at night. You’re also not the only one who found it difficult to return to this damn place. It’s like pretending nothing has changed, we can all go back to normal. That is bull fucking shit.”

  I swallowed hard, reaching for the tequila.

  His eyes followed my gesture, his hand grabbing his shot with enough force several strings of liquid sloshed past the rim. He downed the entire thing, slamming the dense crystal on the table then resuming his position. “I don’t want to hear any additional crap from you. You weren’t responsible for Snake’s death. We all were, including Snake. We all played a role in what happened. If Snake hadn’t been impetuous, maybe things would have gone differently. Maybe if Hawk hadn’t been such a hothead, some aspects would have changed. Shit, I’ve been certain his capture and subsequent murder was all because I couldn’t see him through the damn smoke and didn’t bother fighting to go after him. Do you have any fucking idea how much I wanted to commit suicide? Do you know how many times I had my weapon in my hand, ready to shove it inside my mouth?”